Finally finished the 30th year of my life.... actually it would be the 31st... but you know how our counting birthdays system goes... so anyway I just finished the oddest year I've had in a very long time. The year both started and ended in tears... tears ironically stemming over my despair in feeling responsible for others feelings.
But you say... you're only responsible for your own happiness Tacha - and I know this, and practice this... and even sometimes make others jealous - because I know how to be happy... and perhaps because of this I get others feeding off me emotionally.
This only child somehow collected quite the extended family over the years... and as much as they differ, they all share childhoods where little to no love was expressed - leaving these wounded children to grow - and eventually become my wounded parents.
These are the only parents I've ever known, and I've always had quite the ability to understand them, and their pain, and forgive all their mistakes along the way. But, here, a year after their celebration of their having raised a 30 year old child, I'm ready to reclaim my own success. They may have served the roles of parent - but it seems I do a hell of a lot of parenting of my own.... and I've made a lot of good decisions on my own, and have taken myself down a wonderful path - and I'm going to go ahead and take a good chunk of the credit for that myself.
So, after a few emotional days, I'm embracing 31 and the brand new world it represents. I'm going after my absolute dream life, and if my parents choose to be afraid of what "might" happen, well they can go ahead. I choose not to be afraid - why on earth would I let fear eat my energy, that's just sad... and why be sad, when you can be happy?
